New Year Resolutions
(often do not work)
Following on from last week’s email, The Path of Ease & Flow (you can catch up and read it here if you missed it), this week we explore New Year Resolutions
Firstly, I will say that often in the Northern Hemisphere, it may not be a good idea to set New Years Resolutions. Why? Because it is dark, cold and wet and for many people, adding a pressure to change in this environment, is not ideal in January or February.
Maybe you can choose another time to implement your change? Spring is a great time for me, with new life and the days turning warmer and lighter.
I know there are some really practical things you can do to help identify if you are ready for a change.
Firstly decide on just one thing you think you want to change.
Then ask yourself, is this something you want to:
Reduce or Stop – for example it could be sugar intake
Improve – it might be doing more exercise, getting more sleep or managing stress
Increase – eating healthily or physical activity
Your words here are important and powerful, it is better for our brain if we say we want to “stop” smoking, rather than say “give up” (as that implies surrender and is not positive).
Importance
The next is to be honest and give yourself a rating based on how important that change is to you and then how confident you are right now that you will succeed.
If we used going to the gym more often as the thing you want to increase, you would on a rating of 1 – 10 (where 1 is not important at all and 10 is extremely important) identify where going to the gym fits on that scale.
Confidence
Next you do the same exercise for how confident you are in achieving that change.
If either of your two scores are 5 or less, it is going to be much harder to succeed, so I would suggest that you choose something to change that is both important and you are confident in doing.
What else will help me succeed in what I have chosen?
Also knowing the stage you are at in your readiness for change will help. Margaret Moore, a great change and coaching expert, has written about these 5 stages.
Not Ready
For example, if the motivation for change is not yours, but a partner, friend or relative demanding you stop smoking for example, you are highly unlikely to make it a success
On the fence
Here, you are getting ready, you are aware of the pro’s and con’s, but they are about equal. This is a great time to get help from a friend, counsellor or coach, who will be able to help you to the next stage of readiness. It is not unusual to get stuck at this stage for months and even years.
Getting ready
You intend to take action in the near future and you are pretty clear in what you need to do. You may already have joined a gym or bought some equipment.
Doing it
When you start to change your lifestyle or habits in a regular way. You may be motivated here, but either your confidence or competence may need some help
Maintaining it
Here, you have also identified what works for you in keeping up the momentum. You have strategies in place. For example, you may have decided that going to the gym is best done straight from work or that you have a plan b if it is raining and cold outside (a workout at home).
Accountability partner
One further and very important thing to consider, is do you want to ask someone to keep you accountable? This is in addition to letting others know that you are implementing a change.
You would ask someone you trust to help keep you on track in the change you have chosen.
I love the idea of an accountability card and I will write about this soon.
But for now, ask your trusted person if they are happy to keep you accountable for the change you are making. Let them know exactly what you want them to do. Some ideas could be:
Checking in with you on a daily or weekly basis, asking how you are doing
You may want to check in with them if you are feeling either confident or perhaps when you are feeling challenged about your change
You could ask them to reward you with a proportionate gift or you can reward yourself
Those people that ask to be held accountable are much more likely to succeed.
I hope you progress well with your change. Be kind to yourself and if you slip up, start again (everyday can be January 1st!) with the knowledge that the next time, you will improve on how you approach your change.
Further work – are you curious to find out more?
I have worked with many people on positive change. Those changes include, jobs, houses, relationships and being more mentally resilient.
If you have been affected or inspired by anything I have written, and would like to talk, I am here for you. Not only to empathise, but to listen deeply and help you on your own journey.
You are all amazing,
John
If you would like conversation or are interested to know what it would be like to work with me…….
If you would like to find out more about better mental fitness, take a look here……
And if you want to know more about my coaching, mentoring and consulting…….
Please comment on any changes you would like to make - and it doesn't have to be on January 1st!